At this juncture in my life it seems I am meant to explore something deep within myself. It is easy to flippantly turn a philosophical phrase, but to live philosophy requires an inner exploration that is about as messy, scary and unknown as exploring a cave or "spelunking". Not such poetic or romantic word, but it sounds like a rocky adventure.
What is the journey or adventure? Oh no, the ancient 1974 sound track to "Journey to the Centre of the Earth" by Rick Wakeman, just popped into my head, thanks to my uncle's eclectic music taste... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKS_jCbJuWM (whole album if you dare). I was exposed to some of the greats of the 1970's, a time of vast musical exploration after the original wave of hippydom.
Anyhow onwards to this image. Its looking for depth; contrasts and shadows, mirror image, white and blacks, contrasting flatness, and the hint of grey with horizontal lines to the right. The positive and negative shapes, and the way a 3D shape seems to be formed by using a pattern of organic shapes. Balance and harmony. Messiness is ok!! There is also a small amount of text...how obvious - "full of heart", but its hard to achieve. A body full of love. Is that the "Embodiment of Love?" or is it just a drawing of hearts or organic shapes in a larger organic shape with black lines? Black on white.
I was trying to explore using hearts as a way to access mine - mining the hearts - spelunking the cavernous heart. For many years I refused to use 'hearts' in art making, until the emoticon came into my life through Skype, I just couldn't help getting sucked in by them. So much for my snooty conceptual visual art education. The question remained about the hearts in the body, and what did this signify for me, what was it compelling me to explore?
How can I be a; living unconditional loving being? First it seems there needs to be self regard, and something as close to unconditional acceptance of one's self, in the conditioned state..in the messy state, the 'filled with crap' kind of state, as well as the aspirant for 'material or spiritual or emotional perfection state' and all states between. Acceptance. Could this be the key to love? Self Love and Love of Self! And love of others including the creator/s? Is this even first? Or does it matter when it becomes important? What else could come before this stage? An understanding of a universal power? Or the concept of perfection, the aspiration for it? The greed or desire for it, and a hankering with a strategy to achieve it? These are big questions...like big popcorn buckets at the movies...that never seem to get finished. But there are clues in art therapy to answering or getting a step closer to understanding them.
When I am engaged in the art therapy process as either a companion (therapist) or companioned (client), I experience glimpses of unconditional respect/regard. I receive it as a client and I offer it as a therapist. Its a practice to offer, it takes years of yearning to 'be there' for others, and it requires patience, nerve, acceptance - there is that word - deliberate sensing or intuition, theory, playfulness, creativity. mindfulness and empathy. As a client it requires trust, faith, risk, abandon, openness to opportunities to let go, and facing grief and loss at the bottom (or top) of a heart. According to Taraka, these qualities and requisites, are all paralleled in the spiritual path, the risks and challenges and fears and opportunities - all of which I have applied to different intensities along my lifespan. And it all seems to go back to the same question for me, about the quest for loving unconditionally, and how does it happen, is it possible? Who can do it? Can it be felt, and when will I experience it again? To be continued.
